


The Fires of Spring

by PainfulStitches17



Category: Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six (Video Games)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety Attacks, Blood and Gore, Denial of Feelings, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Panic Attacks, Physical Abuse, Physical Disability, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Some characters are only mentioned - Freeform, Suicidal Thoughts, Verbal Abuse, Vomiting, rainbow six siege
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2019-03-14
Packaged: 2019-09-26 04:16:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17134790
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PainfulStitches17/pseuds/PainfulStitches17
Summary: Bandit and Jäger have some free time together on base, which means more boredom for Dom and more suffering for Marius. Uncertain feelings show themselves, but are things going to be that simple between the two operators ?





	1. Boredom

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, this is the first Fanfic I've ever done !  
> I hope that it will be up to your expectations.  
> Have fun !

After a string of difficult missions over the past few months, they clearly had way too much free time on their hands, or at least, Dominic had. Blitz and IQ had both left almost a week ago on two separate missions, leaving Jäger and him alone to "much needed rest" as the engineer put it, but to Dominic this was nothing but boredom sometimes. Ok, most of the time, with his lack of hobbies around the base. But when he was bored ? Well...

Jäger began experiencing it for himself soon after IQ left. It started by giving him a water bottle before their workout in the morning, far from the kind gesture he expected when he took his first eager sip and had to spit it all out just as quickly as the _salty_ water met his taste buds.

It was followed by a handful of ice cubes down his hoodie in the middle a Skype call with his uncle the next day, a loud "Dominic !" resonating in the middle of the common room followed by the puzzled looks of of his colleagues and a proud Bandit running away, giggling like a schoolgirl.

The pranks might've become a bit more annoying, like when Jäger grabbed his towel fresh out of the shower and ended up with a copious amount of melted chocolate in his hair and face as it made contact. Or when the much needed water bottle he left on his bedside table had suddenly become vodka in the middle of the night, _which that damn idiot probably stole out of the Spetsnaz's secret stash in their dorm for his pleasure..._

It wasn't the first time Bandit had pranked him, but it sure was the first time that he was almost constantly under fire for such a short period of time. _What was wrong with him ?_

When Bandit woke up that night, he had a great idea. He had spent almost the whole day with Jäger in the workshop, dozing off a few times, enjoying several cups of coffee and tea, but generally trying to keep up with his friend's rapid thoughts, which he sometimes had a hard time keeping up with himself as he talked. A few jokes made Jäger chuckle in between concentrated looks. Bandit kept staring. _Why was he staring anyway ?_ It's not like he hadn't seen his friend work a million times before. Marius, deep in thoughts, frustrated, relieved when it worked the way he expected, proud smiles sometimes, the lip biting... _The lip biting ?_ Now you really must be a lost cause, Bandit had told himself.

But that special night he slowly got up, trying not to wake the other German who was quietly sleeping in the bottom bunkbed across the room. He managed to suppress the creaking sound his locker generally made, fetching a small box hidden amidst the mess. He left the room and quickly found himself in the workshop, his phone illuminating his path. He knew Jäger had put his defective Magpie in a small plastic bin labelled with his name, trusting his colleagues not to touch it. It wasn't a very good idea when Dom had easy access.

He unscrewed one of the little caps Jäger was working on before, quickly placing the little cardboard box in, removing a tab in the process before screwing the cap back on. He didn't think it would fit this well, now it had to work. Thank god (for him) he had paid attention earlier today.

He stopped by the bathroom to refill his bottle, now fresh in his hands. He closed the bedroom door behind him, he could barely contain his excitement to his new -terrible- idea. He glanced at Jäger, who was still fast asleep.

Or so he thought at first. Bandit could see the engineer's calloused hand tightly pulling at his own hair, the other one painfully digging his nails in the back of his neck. His chest was quickly raising under the blanket, a few strangled gasps for air resonating in the room.

**No.**

He put down his belongings on the bedside table, the led at the back of his phone brightening up the room but not too harshly. He perched himself up on the bed, his knees sinking into the mattress, making Jäger jump at the presence by his side.

"Shhhh, it's me, it's Dominic." He tried to reassure him. "Can I touch you ?"

There was no protest, but there was no positive answer either. He slid underneath the covers, close to Jäger's back now. He put his hand on the younger man's shoulder, feeling him flinch under the touch. "It's okay, it's just me. Did you have a nightmare ?", He nodded in response, "You're safe here Marius, I'm with you, there's nothing to worry about. Breath through your mouth, just like Elias showed you."

Bandit cautiously massaged Jäger's back in small circles, trying to calm him down. After a while, he could see the hand on his friend's neck soften, releasing the pressure, allowing him to see the small indents in the skin surrounded by scratches. He could become the destructive type, he saw him do worse before. Head banging against a doorframe, bruises on his arms, biting his fingers until he managed to draw blood. He'd never let himself endanger a mission with his violent coping mechanisms, but he would lash out once on base if he couldn't clear his head quickly enough, or when his work somehow took a toll on him. He'd always avoid doing it in public, only Blitz and Bandit had caught him in the act so far. He had a therapist, sure, but Bandit doubted that he always told her the extent of his outbursts, if he didn't 'forget' to talk about it altogether. _And God did it break his heart_.

Jäger was giving in to the touch, Bandit's hand now in his hair, making him let go of his own. "Sorry, I'm no Monika, she's probably gentler than I am." Marius wanted to protest, but he couldn't speak. They all had been there before, and IQ always knew the best ways to calm her teammates down, that bit was true.

"Did you know that she used to suck her thumb until high school ?" Bandit could hear him sigh. He was desperately trying to find a way to calm him down, _He didn't deserve this_. "Have you ever looked into Elias' wallet ? You'd think he'd carry a photo of his family, but it's one of his cat." A small chuckle, could this work for a while ? "When I was in high school, if one of us didn't have any classes left and the dumb brother of the day wanted to skip class, one would attend instead and we'd bring food to the other afterward. Guess which twin failed a few classes ?" Bandit almost thought he'd heard _why am I not surprised Dominic ?_ like Jäger sometimes does.

He didn't know how much time he had spent massaging Jäger's scalp now. Between anecdotes, reassurances and fingers running through his hair, he seemed to have calmed down. _Was he asleep ?_ Afraid to say a word Bandit slowly propped himself up on his elbow, his other hand in front of the man underneath him. He was peacefully sleeping again, small sighs escaping his lips. _He looks heavenly, I could kiss him_ , and at that thought, Dominic felt a feeling down in his chest. Not just his chest in fact.

_Why would you think something like this ?_ Marius was his friend, he didn't even know if he felt anything for men (or women !) at all, let alone the dumbass now above him. He has never seen anything more than polite, friendly conversations with strangers come out of him and nobody on base seemed to have picked his interest. It's like Jäger was incapable of flirting at this point, not even taking into account his obliviousness !

The long eyelashes of his teammate fluttering, the pink lips, what was surely soft skin albeit the scars running along his whole body. Dominic already knew he had fallen for the younger German, a long time ago even. It started when he saw him in his casual clothes over a year ago, his grey hoodie over a white T-shirt, complemented by a black jacket, the somewhat tight jeans he had worn that day which he couldn't have possibly missed when he saw Jäger get on his knee to redo the undone laces of his boots, his heart had missed a beat at such a simple yet _gorgeous_ sight.

Then, in his training outfit, where he could see him get physical making Bandit a bit too hot to his liking. The shower which he had recently started examining the tiles of _as_ _to not look at his teammates' body_. And also, why on Earth _was Jäger's ass so defined in his pajamas ? Dominic_ truly was doomed. Jäger's scent was luring him in, he wanted to hold him in his arms right then and there, reiterating the positive words he had told him before between drawn out kisses, but he decided against it.

He got up, making sure to stop at any sudden movement of the sleeping man. _Don't fuck up now, Dom_. He brought his stuff back to his bedside table, killing the light. Now resting in his bed, he longed the touch he was giving his friend. It felt so good to be able to touch him no matter the way, but _it was so wrong._ Romance between soldiers wasn't a very bright idea, too much recklessness, too much trying to be a hero for someone and Dominic already had his fair share of fucking up on his own on missions, predominantly endangering himself.

He had demons of his own, and sometimes, he _wished_ he'd get into a suicide mission and never pull through. The demons that were inhabiting him tonight were all so different, _love, no, lust ?_ He probably wasn't that attracted to Marius, he had jokingly called himself a 'raging bisexual' already, kissing men and women left and right without ever settling down. That part got crushed back in Hannover somehow, now too scared to try and be truly intimate with somebody, _he felt and was so fucked up anyway, he was already hurting everybody_. It was just a little crush, like he'd have at any bars with a few drinks.

**Wasn't it ?**


	2. Pound Cake

  
Getting up was hard this morning, for both of them. Jäger evidently didn't sleep very well even after Bandit's help, and the latter couldn't get back to it afterward _for several reasons_ , now on 3 hours of sleep having waited for the sunlight to come.

The shared showers, a pain and a blessing. The old building had been renovated over time, allowing them to have "dorm privatised" showers, but they still were almost showering naked together as the walls in between weren't _that_ tall. The guys did however install a curtain to give IQ privacy like "proper gentlemen", as she insisted on sharing the dorms with them as "the tight knit family they had become" in her words, and she managed to get her way. Bandit would've looked over his shoulder to admire a nice view, or just chit chat like he'd always do. The nagging feeling came back between appreciating the hot water and listening to Jäger hum _that goddamn song he couldn't find the tittle of._

He wanted to ask him what had been so wrong in his dreams, but they'd barely discuss it. "It's too depressing" would Marius tell him, "let's not get back to those thoughts, ja ?" would Elias deflect the questions with, "you know, just beating myself up sometimes" would Monika answer with a somewhat pained expression, but she'd leave it at that. Bandit ? A nice dose of "Do I look like I need group therapy to you ?" would sting enough to be left alone. The usual.

He felt like he had to protect himself from the outside. Anyone looking in was _pure horror_ , his shell cracking wide open for everyone to look inside. He had worked hard enough to hide himself from the unknowing people surrounding him to let it go to waste. He was the asshole, the "prankster" and a myriad of synonyms thrown at this image he had to forge for himself. For survival, he wanted to say.

But Jäger had become his soft spot. The rest of the GSG9 was family, sure, but he felt something _more_. His weirdness had drawn him in, Marius could rub people the wrong way without even seeing it sometimes, unlike the willing to hurt Bandit could have. He was his opposite but he could show to be somewhat alike. Marius had a hard time socialising, enjoying company but quickly tiring out, having to force himself while Bandit went all out, wanting to be left alone for the most part, merely pretending for his image. It felt like Jäger was pushing something away from sight, just like he did. _How could he fix it ?_

"Are you hungry ?", the words quickly pulled him out of his thoughts, meeting Jäger's eyes, head full of shampoo running down his face. _He looked silly._ "Hungry ? Are you kidding me ? I'm starving. I'd even try to steal from Tachanka, the man's a goddamn bear Marius !" The laughter was back, that heavenly sound pulling at his heart, managing to push out a genuine smile on his face.

"Alright, alright, just don't come back crying when he hands you back your ass. You'd probably like that anyway."

Bandit must've been looking at him funny, _or maybe admiring him_ , because Jäger quickly added "did I say something weird ? It's getting beat up right ?"

"Well yes... What did you think it suddenly meant ? and why are we speaking in English anyway ? We're alone." Bandit was confused.

"Probably because we're tired and we look like it ?" Jäger retorted.

Taking a sit at the table, Bandit was just about ready to devour the whole damn tray. He had managed to have it loaded up on the heavy side this morning, probably for _the little thing sitting beside him on the bench_ that had cost him a few things out of his personal stash. He got pulled out of his coffee by Jäger sitting across. "I still don't really feel talkative, sorry." Bandit nodded, he understood the struggle after last night.

Not staring was quite a feat, especially when the man in front of you was too busy looking out the window, not paying any attention to the love filled eyes you were shooting him. The slightly curly hair, his pale complexion, although almost sickly this morning which was slowly getting rosy again, the chiseled nose he wished he could trace with his fingers, small pink lips that would again look kissable. Bandit was glad almost nobody was there this morning, someone would've noticed, especially the women from whom Twitch was keen on spotting such interactions. He quickly realized that Jäger had been barely eating, he had been barely doing anything aside from looking outside, in fact.

"Your food is getting cold Marius, don't force me to make you eat like a baby." Jäger looked at him puzzled, the sentence finally sinking in. "Oh, sorry. I'm not hungry." He took a bite, trying to get it down. "Don't force yourself, but we've got training later this morning."he replied. It sounded _too_ gentle and Jäger heard it too judging from the look he gave him.

Dominic would eat the leftovers anyway.

"Could you wait for me at the dorms ? I'll go give the trays back." And with a nod, Jäger left, albeit confused as to why they needed to go back now. _Good_ Dom thought, _he hasn't seen the box._ He put the dirty trays on the metal shelf, thanking the cooks while he had the possibility, they thanked him back for the German snacks he had been willing to trade. He was out of his favorite comfort foods and a bit of money, but it was for the cause, nobody trusted him enough to use the kitchens by fear of getting poisoned or pranked in a way. It wasn't every day that Jäger and him were alone, especially on _that_ day.

**Jäger's birthday.**

Which the man himself got surprised for when Dominic put down the box on the bed right between them, opening it to reveal a chocolate pound cake, complete with its chocolate icing and a few sprinkles. The cake he used to get each and every birthdays. It must've been years for him, his face lit up like a kid at Christmas.

"Dom, you didn't..."  
"No I didn't, the cooks did. Are you sure you're not hungry ? You're probably going to pass, right ? More for me." He was laughing again, Bandit really could get used to it. "C'mon, let me cut you a slice. Are napkins enough for you or do you want me to get the porcelain out, your majesty ?" Poking fun at Jäger's overly decorated and old fashioned dinner table at his apartment last year.

"Oh shut up !" The engineer laughed out loud before shoving half the slice into his mouth. "Oh my God, is this my uncle's recipe ?"

Bandit scoffed "of course, what did you expect ? I called him." He paused "And it's not like I almost didn't get the idea and got the recipe last minute."

Jäger was staring at him now, Bandit couldn't decipher the expression he had for the love of God, something in his eyes that put butterflies in his stomach.

"Thank you Dominic, this is great." He finally said.

"It's nothing. Plus, if I didn't do anything, I would get my ass kicked. Twice. Close your eyes." He waited for Jäger to do as instructed then got up to pick a small package hidden under his bed, he set it on the other's lap carefully before sitting back down. "Open your eyes. It's nothing much, don't get too excited." And at that, Jäger looked down, greeted by what appeared to be a metal helicopter model kit closely resembling the one he usually operates. _What else would make him happy but this ?_ Bandit had no idea, so this was the safest bet.

"Dominic."  
"Sorry, you probably don't have much time for these." He stuffed his face full of cake again.  
"Dominic... It's perfect. I couldn't be happier." Hearing Jäger almost sigh his name sent shivers down his spine and looking back, Bandit got surprised when he suddenly wrapped his arms around him. He was strong, obviously, stronger than he let on while clothed. "Thank you so much."

Time stopped, he wished he could stay like this forever. _He shouldn't be feeling this way, this is just an innocent hug, your feelings won't be reciprocated Dominic, and they shouldn't for the both of you._ He hesitated, wanting to hold Jäger tight, pushing him against the bed to sleep the rest of the day in his arms. It felt good to be held, _it's like it had been years_ , and in a way it had. He was reminded of a few memories which hurt him to this day still. He opted to pat his _friend_ on the back instead, rubbing it a few times. "it's nothing much, no need to thank me Marius."

The contact broke, much to Bandit's dismay. "Would you like to help me out with this ? Possibly today ?" Jäger asked "like you need my help, just tell me that you want my sweet, sweet company next time, I know you can't resist." Bandit said back. He hoped it was true as Jäger smiled and looked away, almost flustered to Dom's wild imagination.

And as expected, it didn't take him long to finish assembling his gift this evening. Alone together in the workshop, Bandit was falling asleep on the workbench, his head slowly lowering down to his folded arms until it finally made contact. He was acting differently, it had been quite a few times over the months and Jäger finally saw the whole picture after this morning. The way he was being looked at, he caught Dom with _that look_ before, _what was it ?_ He didn't even protest when he hugged him, he always did. Deep down, Jäger probably knew what was going on, but it was easier to pretend like he didn't. He wasn't even sure of certain aspects of himself, things he needed to figure out _at fucking 39_. What he was certain of was that he shouldn't let anything show, it wouldn't be fair to Dominic.

He gently shook him "go to bed Dominic, I'm going to look at my Magpie for a bit and I'm sure you'll fall back asleep. Your arms aren't the best pillows you know." he groggily looked up at him "fuck off _Streicher_ , my arms are the best pillows you could wish for." Jäger couldn't help but chuckle, squeezing the other man's arm now "actually, you're right, they do look comfy." He decided to be mean this time around however, delighted to watch Bandit become red to the face, getting up from his stool before darting off with a stern "good night". It was his payback for the pranks and he swore he wouldn't play with his heart ever again. He got his karma with a side of confetti as he started pulling his gadget appart, the small cardboard box that only one man could've placed in revealing itself with a bang. He couldn't get mad this time around, he was laughing even.

Bandit was now back at the dorms, hugging his pillow like his life depended on it. _Marius was making it so difficult to forget this crush_ He wished he had said something more, _what if he caught on ?_ He couldn't think about anything else, waiting to fall asleep from exhaustion. The song Jäger was humming stuck in his head. That's when it hit him, he knew that song...

**_Just some guy_ ** **.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just Some Guy by Anthony Rapp.  
> Thank you for reading this chapter <3


	3. Breathe.

A few months had come and gone, now in the middle of summer. Their relationship had progressed, yes, but not in the way Bandit would've liked, far too friendly and platonic to his taste. He was torn between following his heart and following his conscience when he looked at Jäger. Right now ? He tried not to look at him, he couldn't stomach the _frightening_ look of anger, wait, _rage_ that he was giving the vehicle's floor and anyone who tried to calm him down. Poor Doc, sitting right next to a ticking time bomb, crazy enough to try and disarm it. It was better for the both of them (and any collateral damage) if he stayed away for a while.

Bandit, Jäger, Kapkan, Valkyrie, Doc and the accompanying crew. The mission had been successful, no casualties, little to no injuries, what you'd expect from counter terrorism experts, right ? Well, Bandit made sure that this outcome would be hard to obtain in the end.

Every operators deployed this morning had a hunch something was wrong with Dominic. He was worse than usual, looked like it, to the point that he told them to _"shut the fuck up and focus"_ with clear frustration in his voice, killing the chatter on the ride to the site as everybody was either shocked or upset.

An hostage situation in the middle of the city, tricky. Several streets had been evacuated. On site, they managed to empty the building of most of the present white masks on their way in, it was now a matter of protecting the hostages of any new waves of attacks before back up arrived. They had underestimated their numbers, unfortunately. The fight was far from over, Jäger took a quick look towards Bandit, pure concentration as expected. When he saw him take down a white mask, however, something glimmered in Dom's eyes, something _sinister_ , a thirst for blood he had seen before, _something more_.

It's when Bandit disappeared without a word that Jäger's stomach turned. "Bandit ?" He called softly over the radio. Silence. He tried again, met with silence once more. Something was up and judging by the C4 that had just detonated, Bandit had made his way downstairs. _What was he thinking going alone, to an unknown number of assailants nonetheless ?_ "I'm leaving my position" he said, making his way to the room Bandit should've been in, then silently making his way down the stairs. It reeked of blood and he soon found the source, as it was plastered on the walls alongside little bits and pieces of what were once men.

He could feel the tension, dust still coming down after the blow. He thanked whatever god there might be for being such a trained soldier, he wanted to puke, not just the blood and gore but _the fear that Bandit was gone, that he may even be standing in his remains._ He had to keep going, he couldn't back down, he couldn't freeze now. His brain was screaming, begging for a breakdown. _Breathe Marius. Where the fuck did that asshole go ?_

Grunts coming from the floor below caught Jäger's attention, ignoring the calls coming from the radio, a familiar voice was luring him in. Two people were fighting in front of him down the wrecked corridor, lights flickering above them before drowning them in almost complete darkness for a few seconds, rinse and repeat. He could discern a knife in the upper man's hand, his wrist firmly gripped by the man underneath who was actively trying to stop the fist coming up to his face repeatedly. He missed a few times, then came the sound of bone crushing and a groan, _Dominic's voice_. The hand on the terrorist's wrist swayed and has he was about to lower the knife to his victim, time seemingly slowing down, a gunshot rang.

Bandit was alive. It had almost been over, _almost_. A wave of something incomprehensible at first washed over him as the dead man fell on him. "Let me help you !" Jäger was on top now, pushing the corpse away, frantically searching for any signs of injury. "Y-Your nose is bleeding Dominic. You'll be fine..." Worry was palpable in his voice "Don't worry about me." Back up on his feet, he muttered a soft _"thank you"_ , almost unnoticeable. Bandit had a hard time looking at Jäger. He fucked up, but he wouldn't admit it, especially not _in which way he meant_. He was a strong man, smart even if not as smart as some in Rainbow, not in the same way, but even the very best have flaws. They made their way back to their objective, reassuring their teammates in the process.

It was finally over, everyone could breathe again. The last one sitting in the improvised med bay, Dominic was trying not to curse at Gustave while he tended to his very much _broken nose_. "I reckon hearing Marius speaking about your little escapade while on mission Dominic, non ?" That stung more than the alcohol being applied. "I didn't go _that_ far. I killed two of them and then got fucking ambushed." He argued back "Maybe, but had Jäger not been with you, or had he not realized you had left, you'd be lying in a plastic bag right now.  You depended on him and _he did too_ , we all do. What would he have done had you _failed_ Dominic ?" And he was right, what would've happened if _his selfishness_ had gotten the best of him ? He couldn't answer, admitting his faults was _hard_ , he had felt guilty plenty of times in his life before and each time, he preferred distancing himself as needed over apologizing, taking the blow. Unless Six was sitting in front of him, of course.

"Écoute, I understand you're going through a rough period right now judging from your files but you cannot let it affect you while on mission. I'm sure you already know this, Tu vois, you're smarter than this Dominic. You might get a talk from Six if she hears about it... If you need time off, come to my office, alright ? We could schedule a few more appointments with your therapist too, if you'd like. Oh, and your nose should be fine for now." Doc put a hand on Bandit's shoulder, a genuine smile as expected. He knew when to be harsh, but it never came without a good reason. Especially when your last name was Brunsmeier. "Allez zou, dehors ! I've got cleaning up to do." And with that, Bandit left with a thankful nod.

But the problems weren't over, they had just begun. He was now facing Jäger, still in his gear and visibly upset judging from his body language. _Fuck_. Once the younger man had spotted him, he grabbed his arm almost painfully and dragged him down the street.

Jäger was rather quiet in his day to day life, he could talk a lot if the topic was of interest, sure, but he wasn't loud, so when the entirety of the crew started hearing his voice in a crescendo of anger from the other end of the street, they were surprised. Bandit's nonchalant attitude wasn't helping, Jäger was getting visibly upset, pushing the other against the wall at one point, pointing his finger to his chest. They were both raising their voices now, but the engineer was louder, far more aggressive, making Bandit back down. It was so unlike him all of a sudden. People started looking at each other to know who would volunteer if a fist fight broke, _it sounded that bad_.

Most of the public left, leaving the special ops to assess the level of trouble Bandit had gotten himself into between themselves. "Are we sure he's mad ? German does sound like an angry language. They call ambulances krankenwagen after all." Kapkan was pleased by his joke until Jäger removed his helmet, throwing it at the wall next to Bandit who flinched, closely followed by his balaclava. "Nevermind." Kapkan added. They went their own way afterward.

Bandit had never seen such an outburst of anger coming from Jäger, to the point where he left _crying_ and he suspected his old time friend _unhealthy coping mechanisms_ to have followed where he went to hide. He had to admit, trying to downplay the situation he had put himself in hadn't been the best call. Saying that "well, he wouldn't have suffered for long" really threw Marius over the edge, hadn't it ? _You acted like an asshole to the man who saved your life whether you liked it or not. Worse yet, the man you've realised you love._ He knew how he'd been feeling since he had helped him, watching Marius scream at him in their mother tongue, _disappointed_. Disappointed in the fact that he hurt him not once, but twice. Disappointed that he treated Marius like everybody else, _like he meant nothing_. _Disappointed_ _that he didn't miscalculate his C4 and blew up._ **_Disappointed that he got saved when the knife should've met his throat, he would've been gone putting a fight_**. But he felt pathetic right now, puking on the side of the road. It was hard to breathe, containing any tears that might try to escape.

Maybe Dominic should take Doc's offer on therapy.

  -----

"Here's our resident asshole ! I've been looking for you. Shouldn't you be in bed ?" James Porter in person, nicknamed Smoke, hugging a sweaty Bandit from behind before he could hit the punching bag in front of him.

"Don't touch me. What do you want Porter ? I've only got a broken nose, I don't need to rest." Bandit spat back.

"Calm down Princess, I'm here to help you. I thought you'd be resting after the humiliation your little dove gave you. The lad burnt you pretty badly didn't he ?" Smokes' laugh felt like nails on a chalkboard right now.

"Stop saying that shit out loud, why did I ever tell a cunt like you of all people about it ?" Dom was getting increasingly upset.

"Because you know I'm an expert in that field, honey." He winked.

"Such an expert sending _Mark_ " James jumped at Mute's name "a pair of lacy men's underwear, not even for Valentine's day may I add, in the hopes that he would forward your advances, which I'd call sexual harassment to be quite frank, _Bärchen_ " Classic Smoke.

"Who said he didn't like it ? I didn't hear back, sure, but maybe he's shy about it !" Keep telling yourself that, Bandit thought.

"C'mon, stop wasting my time, what do you want ?" He still liked Smoke, so he toned it down a bit.

"I wanted to ask you how you were feeling. You kind of went on a suicide mission there Dominic. Would you like to join me on the roof with a few beers ?" Here it was, the serious Smoke.

And what about it ? It wouldn't have been the first time but it could've been the last, sure. Alcohol did sound like an option right now though. "Alright, just promise me you won't puke your guts out on me again."

"I promise baby boo. The beers packs are in front of the door, could you get them up there for me ? I have to drop this report." He was waving his papers in front of Bandit.

Dominic hummed in agreement, watching Smoke leave while blowing a kiss on his way out. Why did he feel like something was up ?

He could do with breathing some fresh air anyway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Écoute = Listen.  
> Tu vois = you see.  
> Allez zou, dehors = c'mon, get out. (Friendly)  
> Bärchen = Little bear or so I've been told !
> 
> I'm somewhat anxious about posting this one, but it's now or never right ?
> 
> Thank you for reading chapter 3 !


	4. Playing Games.

Sitting back to the wall, not far from the dimly lit door, Bandit took his first sip. He was instantly reminded as to why Smoke was never trusted with chosing alcoholic beverages, _it tasted awful_ , but it probably was a strong brew knowing the man. Drinking was most likely not the greatest decision he could make as of right now, not only because of how messed up he felt, but because he had to see his therapist the next morning. Doc pushed him to get an emergency appointment once on base and he had lost the courage to fight back. He'd already been under _'surveillance'_ since Hannover, as he liked to put it.

What could he possibly say ? Unbalanced individuals were a liability when your job consisted of holding a weapon in your hands, depending on the gravity of the illness. He was _suicidal_ , too coward to do it himself, and he just tried to jump on three enemies _alone and expecting it to fail_. He knew why he felt this way, Doc had his idea and he wished the rest of the GSG9 wouldn't catch on, not for now at the very least. His world was at risk.

He was three beers down when the door to the roof opened. Bandit had been expecting Smoke for a while now, both of them didn't know who was the most surprised when it turned out to be Jäger opening the door, who instantly sighed, _please God have mercy._ Jäger marched towards him, the last thing Bandit wanted was a redo of the 'conversation' they had this morning.

"Smoke told me he saw you go up to the roof with two packs of beers and that you looked depressed."

"And he told me we'd drink a few beers together after he gave back his latest report." Bandit managed to blurt out.

"Sounds like we got played." And with that, Jäger took a sit next to him picking up a beer from the crate then opening it. Neither of them looked like they knew what to do, the growing silence was slowly becoming uncomfortable. Laying his eyes on Jäger, although anxious by doing so, Bandit's heart started melting again, it had felt like a lifetime in a day and as much as he hated Smoke right now, he was glad to have Marius back at his side. Crossed legs in dark joggings, his arms lazily resting on his thighs as he was fidgeting with his bottle, the sleeves of his undershirt rolled up, looking into the horizon, _Jäger was trembling_. He couldn't believe it was the same man who was screaming at him earlier today. Bandit wanted to touch him, whisper his name, _kiss him_. Sounded like the beer was talking, or maybe he was listening to his heart for once.

"Marius" hesitation suddenly struck as their eyes met, the words struggling to get out of Dom's throat "I thought you'd prefer to stay away from me for a while."

Marius' eyes felt like they were piercing him to his very core. "Well, I'm not going to let you drink alone. I doubt James is going to show up any time soon."

_Was that it ?_

"You know what, let's play a game Dominic." He looked serious. What kind of game could _two grown men_ play while drinking beer on a roof ? Especially after such an argument ? Probably one he wouldn't like very much. "I'm going to- No, we're going to ask each other questions _and we have to answer honestly_. No bullshit _Brunsmeier_ " Jäger lifted his drink, waiting for an agreement.

Bandit was reluctant. He couldn't think about anything positive coming out of a 'game' like this one. Jäger was most likely trying to get something out of him, _right ?_ Couldn't he do the same thing then, _get a few doubts out of his head in return ?_ He pushed his drink against Jäger's in agreement."I expect you to be honest Dom, I won't lie and you shouldn't." Bandit nodded. _What had he gotten himself into ?_ "Guess I'll start. Why are you depressed Dominic ?"

"Hannover, most of it. And Cedr-" he stopped himself, the name couldn't get out, it felt like he just burnt his tongue. Jäger probably understood anyway. So much for keeping it a secret. "How was your life before you joined the army ?"

Jäger laughed. "Fuck, I wished you wouldn't ask me something like this ! You already know my uncle so that's not  new. I uh, I was doing fine in school but... I felt pretty lonely. My uncle was and still is great don't get me wrong, though most people didn't get me and even when they kind of did, nobody had such a passion for machinery. Maybe an  obsession. I ended up surrounding myself with dubious people at best. Fortunately I didn't keep them in my life for long. I turned out fine afterward, don't you think ?"

"Yeah, you're alrigh when you don't open your mouth." Bandit couldn't help but poke fun at him, smirking.

"You're being mean now." The smile Bandit received reignited the flame in his stomach. " _Why did you do that ?_ Why did you go on your own without telling me ?" He wasn't laughing anymore.

Bandit feared the answer would break him, but he had made some sort of promise, right ? "I don't really know what went through my head Marius. I..." He suddenly felt like running away and never coming back. "For fuck sake, I hoped it would go wrong. N-not the mission I mean... That it'd be my last." He saw Jäger's shoulders slump, he was taking the answer in. "You wanted me to be honest right ? I'm sorry. Truly, I'm not just saying what you want to hear. Please forgive me."

 _The way he was being looked at..._ "I do forgive you. Don't do something stupid Dominic, please. You're not alone. I want to apologise too, I almost hurt you..."

Bandit put his arm around his shoulders. "It's okay, you weren't wrong you know, I can be an idiot. Do you still feel lonely ?" The need to hold him tight was strong, _do more_.

The soft smile on Jäger's face was reassuring him. "No, I'm fine. I've got plenty of people to talk to now, you're one of them. I only feel it again when I'm depressed but it fades away after a while." _Did he just press himself against Bandit ?_ The alcohol must be stronger than usual for Marius. "Dominic... You're not going to like this but," Jäger sighed "what exactly happened in Hannover ?"

The terrible question he made sure to never answer for years. _Could he even find the words ?_ There was a slight nausea rising along his anxiety, Jäger was right, he _didn't like it, he hated it_. "Around that time, my mission was coming to an end, we had far more information than we had bargained for. My colleagues were surveiling the area, getting intel, the usual. One night someone fucked up, the gang caught a cop. It was my brother. We were both confronted." He stopped. It was hard getting the words out.

"You can stop if it's too hard for you Dominic." _There it was, the pity. Was it really ? Jäger was the one saying it, he could trust him._

"No, it's fine. It's funny because I almost freaked out you know, I did this for four years and all of a sudden I couldn't get my shit together. So he did what he could, insult me, pretending we _loathed_ each other. Anything that could _save me_ , he said it. How much of a fuck up I was, how our parents would  be disappointed after I disappeared. They weren't true, he was talking to ■■■■■■■, the man I played not me, but I sure did become a piece of shit. I got instructed to _torture him_ Marius." There was a pause, Jäger looked like he had seen a ghost. _Should he stop, was this too much ?_ "I did it. Worst thing I've done in my life, and we've killed. I don't remember much of what happened afterward. I know that our colleagues had to intervene but it's a blur. The last time I saw him he was in a coma. I've cut all ties."

"Dominic." Jäger had sighed his name again. He suddenly felt lighter, if for a moment. "I'm sorry you had to go through this."

"I chose that path. Feels like I'm still paying the consequences but I knew what I was getting into, somewhat." He squeezed Jäger a little bit. "Thank you."

The heavy silence that followed was hard to deal with. They were still against each other and none of them were going to budge. It was Bandit's last beer, he felt fine, if a bit tipsy but nothing major. Jäger on the other hand seemed to be handling it worse than he thought he would. He realized that even when they went out, he never drank much, if he outright didn't. _Could it be that he didn't handle alcohol very well ?_

"Maybe you should visit your family again." Jäger said in almost a whisper, _did he not want it to be heard ?_ "I doubt that's a good idea Marius, not after what I've done." Bandit stared as Jäger drank the rest of his beer in one go, then picking up another one. He should stop him. "You should think on it. I'd go with you even."

Dom couldn't help but laugh at the proposition, making the other frown. "It's my turn isn't it ? _Have you ever been with someone Marius_ ?" Red to the face, _he looked so damn cute that way_. Was Bandit being inappropriate ? He could always blame the alcohol if his curiosity was ever questioned. "I had a girlfriend years ago, for what ? Six months ?" Jäger scoffed. Bandit's heart sank, he should've known, _of course his friend was probably as straight as a board._ He got pulled out of the trainwreck of his thoughts as he felt fingers trace the bones of his hand. Jäger was looking away. "If I can be honest, I didn't like it. She was nice, a good person... But it felt strange, you know ? I never tried again. _I think I know why._ "

"You can tell me if you'd like, If you trust me enough." Jäger was laughing again, _he looked increasingly worse, he should snatch his new beer away_. "I trust you Dominic. I do. I've always felt different, I tried to push it down a long time ago. How old was I ? Fourteen ? Being weird was more than enough so when I realized that... That..." he stopped. He was _holding_ Dom's hand now. "That I was _gay_ I preferred not acting on it. I've convinced myself it was just a phase for so long." _Relief, selfish, selfish relief._ Bandit had a terrible idea, _terrible_. How could he possibly resist ? "Have you ever kissed a man before ?" The question made Marius visibly wince. "N-no." His voice was so quiet all of a sudden. _It didn't felt right, should he do it ?_ "Would you like me to kiss you ?" The nod he was met with made his doubts disappear.

He pressed his lips against Jäger's, _it was divine_ , even better than he had imagined. His hands slid down to the other's waist, keeping him gently in place against the wall with his own body. Their kiss went from gentle to more passionate as Marius put his arms around Dominic's neck. _It felt so right, like it was meant to be._ Their lips pulled apart to grasp much needed air before meeting again, their grip even stronger. They finally broke contact after what felt like ages, Jäger panting and Bandit longing to go at it again, _using his tongue_ _sounded nice._

"Is that why you were treating me differently ?" It took some time for Dominic to concentrate on the words that had just been spoken to him. _"Yes, absolutely."_ Jäger looked suddenly confused.

**"I love you Marius."**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was written under a heavy migraine, please be gentle. I think my teeth may be preparing a rebellion...
> 
> Joke aside, boy oh boy... The joys of alcohol !  
> I might start making some art once I have access to a tablet. I've tried drawing on my phone but it wasn't great.
> 
> Thank you for reading chapter 4 !


	5. What could've gone wrong ?

What could've gone wrong ? You were just an undercover cop in a dangerous gang in sweet, _sweet_ Hannover. What could've gone wrong Dominic ? You were just as good as a criminal, making every step of your game count. You were playing them like chess pieces and they ate your words. You weren't in charge, no, and you liked it that way. They trusted you enough and you could do your goddamn job, you even took some kind of pleasure to it in a way, a _sick, fucked up way_. You've seen fights, torture, rape and murder. You _knew_  that some of them would get it back and you couldn't wait for that day to come. You loved seeing most of them suffer, they were cockroaches and you couldn't wait to crush them underneath the soles of your boots. You weren't always that extreme, seeing it first hand had changed you, being a part of them had shook you to your core. It was the beginning of who you would become.

You didn't, however, expect to see your own goddamn brother show up before your eyes, tied down to a chair, the other members pressuring you into explaining _why that goddamn cop looked so much like you_ , didn't you ? Everything was crumbling down and you had to react fast, two lives were on the line right this instant. You knew these were your last days in Hannover but you didn't expect it to end this way, especially _not_  with your brother. Everything was going so fast, you were surrounded, everyone ready to jump on you. They were onto you, they knew, both of you were going to die and somehow, it was _your goddamn fault_ \- But he wouldn't allow it. Once the cloth in his mouth was removed he played that game with you, he pretended to try and save face, in some sort of ill fated miracle it worked. It worked too well. You were pretty good at lying, the both of you.

You still see him before you, the words he spoke hurting you like they were meant to take you down. You don't even want to think about what you had to tell him.  
"What's wrong ■n■■■a■ ? Can't even look your brother in the eyes ?" _You were ashamed_  
"I knew you couldn't be trusted" _he was putting his life into your hands_  
"C'mon ■n■■■as, are you afraid of your own brother ?" _You were afraid for him_  
"Mom always said you were a disappointment" _this is what dad used to say_  
"Maybe I shouldn't have tried taking care of you" _you took care of me our whole life_  
"Mom was right to kick you out" _we left together when dad lost his shit_  
"I hate you ■n■■eas" * _but we loved each other so much_ *  
"You disgust me" _me too_  
"Kill me already" _don't say things like this..._

He said so much more but you can't stomach it, they come back to you in fractions, it's too much to handle, you can barely put it back together.

They wanted you to _torture him_ , to prove yourself.  
_"Do it An■■eas"_  you'd hear them say.  
_"Come on, what are you afraid of ?"_ Everything right now.  
_"Get your revenge An■reas"_  There's nothing to punish him for.

A car battery, a taser, jumper cables. It was cruel, it wasn't supposed to be used on innocent people, especially not him.

"Get it over with Andreas." Were the last words Cedrick told you before you started doing the unthinkable. You were almost 36, he was too young. Maybe so were you ?

You wonder how you didn't outright lose him, you did enough to do lasting damage but not enough to kill, you were supposed to get informations out of him anyway. You remember the screams, as much as he managed to let out. You remember his pleading eyes, but there was nothing you could do without getting both of you killed on the spot. You remember the laughter of the people around you, _sickening_ , fueling your anger. The lights flickering, the music so loud in your ears, was it you ? Were you loosing your mind ? You remember suppressing your tears, distancing yourself as much as you could as to not crack open. Andreas was your ticket to survival. Dominic didn't exist anymore, he got pushed down, deep into your heart. That's what you lost in Hannover that night.

Everything.

Sharp pain in your left arm, looking down you could see the bloodstain growing, a numbness taking over. You weren't in the club anymore, the halls were dark. _Was it night or were the windows boarded shut ?_  Roaming mindlessly, your grip tightening on your sidearm, your left hand had become useless by now. It felt so similar, like you've been here before. A school, _that school_ , the barricaded door in front of you, the C4 exploding with a magnificent sound. One, two, three... Many more shots, yours, your teammates, the enemies. White masks tainted in red lying amongst corpses. There were losses, students who hadn't seen past the night or day. Your teammates taking care of the survivors before you. Everything was suddenly red, the splatters were growing, _where had everyone go ?_  Looking down, searching, droplets falling on your visor, a lone bag in the middle of the room, blood rising around you. Unzipping it, revealing a face you didn't wish to see, not like this, lifeless. _Marius_. You were chocking now, it was getting harder to focus. _It was a nightmare, it couldn't be real-_

And then he woke up, lungs aching for air. Where was he again ? It didn't look like the base, it didn't smell like Monika's spare bedroom, it didn't feel like Elias' couch... Marius. A wave of security washed down upon him, he could calm down. He was sleeping in Marius' bedroom, on a small matress on the floor. It was coming back to him now, he insisted to let Bandit take the bed and he refused. They had visited his uncle the day before, delightful as always. Nothing had happened. In fact, nothing had happened _since they had kissed._  It somewhat felt awkward, they hadn't acknowledged what had happened and _what was said afterward_ , trying to go back to normal. They'd exchange looks, Marius would stand and sit closer to him but nothing more, much to Bandit's chagrin.

He got up with difficulty, his muscles tense. He had a nightmare didn't he ? He felt sweaty, he could use a shower right now. As he got into the living room, he could smell something good, Marius was there cooking breakfast. Dominic bent over the tiny bar, the apartment was small but it felt like home in the way it was decorated. Marius standing there, making arranged platters, bread and toast, fussing with cereal boxes, cutting fresh fruits... _Why was he putting with his shit so fucking much ?_ It was anxiety trying to take over with any concerns it could find, he reckoned.

"Good morning Dominic, Happy Birthday ! How are you ? You look terrible." concern in his voice, Jäger was otherwise beaming.  
"I'm alright, thanks. How was your night ?"  
"Fine, uneventful. Are you stressed out ?" _Bingo_  
"Guess I can't hide it, right, _schnuckiputzi_? I need a shower, do you mind ?" Bandit left for the bathroom once he got the all clear, leaving him to deal with his blushing.

Small, just like the rest. Everything in the apartment was decorated in pastel colors to contrast the white. It was soft, like a safe haven, Bandit understood why Jäger felt so much better when he was there, it felt like a dream once you left the mostly gray streets. He set his fresh clothes on the nearest surface, he couldn't help but find the touches of blue endearing as he was looking around getting naked, the attention to details was nothing unexpected. Perhaps Glaz could learn a thing or two from Marius.

The hot water was working at his sore muscles, washing off the anxiety a little along with the filth. Oh how he wished a special someone would suddenly come and share this moment, it wouldn't stay catholic for long but he shouldn't dwell on those thoughts, he was using Marius' shower, he wouldn't dare _desecrate it unless it was with the man himself._ Could he even reciprocate his feelings ? He was coming from years of closeting himself, sure, but Bandit would swear to take care of him as much as he could, show him how normal it is.

He had to prepare himself for the unthinkable. He was visiting his own family, his parents. Bandit felt nausea at the thought of sitting at the same table as them again. He had promised Marius and a week later, here they were, leaving for Berlin in the morning. It was their birthday, his mother had wanted him to visit on that date. _He loathed it_  but Marius pushed him to accept, "it's now or never" he said, he was on forced leave for his own health. There was one condition however : he refused to see his brother.

Bandit was patting himself dry, now dressing himself, the fresh clothes felt nice. Should he had put on a more formal outfit ? Probably not, they were his parents, not the president of the United States. Blue canvas pants, a white t-shirt, he'll put on a short sleeved shirt later on, leaving it open. His father would _hate_  it, that's why he thought about doing so. It was summer, he was 42 and he could do as he well pleased, the man be damned. He liked poking the hornet's nest sometimes, that's how they used to call their father as kids.

Looking at himself in the mirror, the stubble, messy hair, tired complexion, a few strong wrinkles, how _did his brother looked like now ?_ Last time he heard about him, he was in a wheelchair undergoing reeducation. He learned the few bits of informations from unsolicited advice. "Maybe you could make up ?" _Like it was that easy you little bitch_  or something he said along those lines. Bandit preferred not thinking about it when he could, but admittedly, _he thought about him a whole damn lot._

Back in the living room the table was simple yet inviting, with everything you'd expect from a German breakfast.  
"Careful, hot !" He heard Jäger say, suddenly coming towards him with a pan, serving him a good amount of scrambled eggs before putting the pan away. "C'mon, let's eat, I'm starving." He taped Dominic's shoulder as he passed by.  
"Didn't know you were a great little housewife." Bandit said with a grin.  
"There's a lot that could surprise you." _Everything about Jäger surprised him, in a good way._  "Is there anything I should know before meeting your parents ?" He asked before digging into his food.  
"Putting it like that it sounds like I'm presenting you as my fiancé. Hm, good idea." Marius was blushing again, containing a smile. _Let's not acknowledge it._  "My father doesn't _talk_  much, never has, He had other ways to show his emotions. Just don't mind him, he won't care either way. My mother is a people pleaser, especially to my father, expect her to go to the moon and back to get my praise. If she doesn't outright hate me now, that is."  
"She wouldn't invite you otherwise, would she ?" Jäger was hopeful.  
"She would if my father was behind it, I wouldn't be surprised." Jäger felt increasingly confused and worried, if he got the few hints Bandit was dropping correctly...  
"Will your brother be there ?"  
"I hope not. I asked her to not invite him while we're over. Maybe she'll keep a promise for once, or maybe I'm asking for too much."

Bandit felt in a sour mood all of a sudden. Being reminded of his childhood, everything looking like a trainwreck and he was dragging Jäger into it. He kept eating, nodding to wathever Marius was saying, whom was increasingly becoming quieter as he realized something might be wrong.

"Looks like we're finished. Let me get all of this in the dishwasher." Jäger got up, Bandit closely following to help him out.  
"There's still time to cancel if you're worried, you know. I'll be here either way." Marius was speaking softly, like he was walking on eggshells.  
There was hesitation on Dom's part. "No. It's fine, I kind of want to see my mother after so long. I just need courage."  
"Alright. Let me know if you're not feeling up to it. I'm sure you'll be fine."

Bandit was now taking him in. How did he miss the way Marius was dressed, his fitting shirt, slightly oversized sweatpants ? He was _cute_  today, especially with his bed hair. He got close, resting his hands on each side of Jäger on the counter, facing his back. Jäger didn't move, putting leftovers away like it was nothing, or so he was pretending. There was tension, they could feel it. _Dominic wanted to bend him over, forcefully, that's how cute he was, he wanted to dirty him._  The anxiety was making Bandit aggressive in that department, he couldn't lie, it was always this way when he had stuff on his mind. He got closer, bodies touching. "Have I ever told you how lovely you look ?" He started kissing Marius' neck, sliding a hand under his shirt, caressing his stomach.

Jäger was shivering under his touch, he decided to turn him around, not as gently as he expected however, making the other jump. He pressed against him, one hand against his back to bring him close, the other around his jaw pulling him into a kiss. _He was being rough_ , stealing a few moans out of Marius' throat. He felt hands grabbing at his arms tightly. Bandit broke the kiss. "Is this too much ?" He loved the way he looked now, hot and bothered, unsure of the steps to take. "N-no." Bandit was about to get back to it when Jäger stopped him. "Dom, I l-love it, I really do, but we're going to be late."

Right. _Fuck_.

Brushing their teeth, waiting for Jäger while he took a shower, snooping around the apartment for 'blackmail', watching him get into casual clothes through the crack of the door like a creep, picking up their bags and finally getting out of the apartment. It would take a four hours trip by train to reach Berlin from Düsseldorf.

Really, what could go wrong ?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, it's out !  
> Schnuckiputzi = sweetie pie (I hope)
> 
> Thank you for reading chapter 5 !


	6. Someone you loved.

The ticking of the clock was dangerously close to driving him crazy. Bandit was now sitting in front of his father, whom had a difficult time looking him in the eyes, let alone shaking hands with both Jäger and him when they arrived. Something was _off_ with him, he hadn't looked at Bandit with his air of disdain _yet_. Jäger was sitting next to Bandit, fidgeting with his empty coffee cup. Bandit's mother could be heard humming from the kitchen, or so she tried, she had been crying since seeing her son for the first time in seven to eight years, Hannover got in the way and when his brother ended up in the hospital ? He didn't even try going back. She refused both of their help, the usual when her kitchen was involved, it was her kingdom and anyone disturbing it would be cursed out.

She came back with a tray, a fresh pot of coffee, milk, sugar and a plate of cookies catching Bandit's attention. They looked like his favorites.  
"Mama, did you really make caramel chocolate pecan cookies ?" Bandit's heart pinched at the thought of almost having let down the woman by ghosting them.  
"Of course sweetie." She held one out for him with a bright smile. He accepted it with a thank you.  
They were good, _fuck they were so good_ , Bandit hadn't realized how much he had missed such comfort, the little things he used to enjoy, even _the place_. The round dinner table they sat at, the old TV in the corner with the big soft sofa and armchairs, the coffee table he once -or twice- hurt himself against as a kid, the kitchen with its large door frame and old fashioned doors always remaining open, the cuts around the corridor's frame indicating Bandit and his brother's height growing up. _Could he go check out their bedroom ? Was it still theirs ?_

"So..." His mother brought him back from his thoughts. "What do you do for a living now Dominic ? Do you two work together ?"  
"We're in a counterterrorism unit. We specialise in defense, people, places... Marius here is the best engineer around, I'm just good with a weapon. Guess I climbed the ladder pretty well." Glancing at his father, Bandit could tell it made something in him react.  
"I knew you were still in the taskforce but I didn't expect such..." His mother couldn't find the right words. _How did she know though ?_  
"Dangerous job ? It's what I'm good at mama. Plus, I've got that guy to help me out." He pointed at jäger with his thumb before taking a sip of his coffee.  
"I see. Are you two close friends ?" She was smiling at Marius now.  
"Y-Yes ma'am-" he got cut off by Dominic.  
"He's my fiancé." His monotone voice hiding the laughter he was dangerously close to as he watched everyone around shift uncomfortably, Jäger from embarrassment _because he had dared_ , his mother from shock and his father's frown, probably disapproval. Marius wasn't going to go against the grain now as he was in front of complete strangers, but he sure thought the oldest GSG9 would pay for this one day.

"Congratulations to the both of you" she tried to discreetly nudge her husband to make him nod in agreement. "How long have you been together ?" She asked. It did sound slightly strained which made Dominic hurt somewhat.  
"Oh a few years, Marius proposed not long ago, we're so happy, right, _Schnuki_ ?" He glanced at Jäger who _was fuming inside_ , smirking behind his coffee cup as to hide his amusement.  
"Absolutely _Liebling_ , I couldn't be happier !" Jäger smiled back, now squeezing Dom's thigh until it _hurt_.  
"I always knew you had a thing for... Both genders but I never thought you would marry sweetie, you always said you weren't interested."  
"It's Marius we're talking about mama, he's better than anybody I've ever been with, or maybe just anybody." He answered.  
The serious look Jäger received made him realise something, _it was a genuine comment._

Where do you live ? How often do you work ? What have you been up to ? Do you eat properly ? Have you been hurt ? When are you retiring ? Do you still smoke ? When did you get this tattoo ? And this one ? _Why are you on sick leave ?_ The last one he did not answer. Marius looked overwhelmed, too much interaction for his busy brain, he would crash down at the hotel tonight for sure Bandit thought. He picked another cookie and shoved it in Jäger's hands as if it could console him. The hours were passing by, his mother's curiosity never faltering.

Then he heard them, _a few knocks on the door._  
"Are you expecting someone ?" Bandit's panic was slowly rising.  
"Nobody at this hour." His mother sounded genuine. "Let me get the door."

Everything felt like slow motion for Dominic when the door opened, the familiar voice close to his own reaching his ears.

"Hello mama ! Sorry, I'm late."

Bandit's eyes fell on his father. "What the _fuck_ did you guys do ? I told you I didn't want to see _him_ !" He tried to lower his voice as much as possible.  
"Your mother didn't do anything, I did." The only sentence his father managed to say in three hours.  
"What did I fucking expect from you ? I should've known you would do something like this ! _You always liked to stir shit up._ " He got up, picking his and Jäger's cups before storming out of the living room and into the kitchen. Jäger followed suit, and damn did Bandit looked awful. He watched him set down the cups in the sink, avoiding making any noise. They would be hidden as long as his brother didn't make it to the kitchen. The knuckles of his hands were white from gripping at the border of the sink.

Bandit focused back on the conversation playing, as much as his heart pounding in his ears would allow.  
"You look stressed out mama, are you okay ?"  
"I'm fine, we've had some guests over and I've been cleaning, it's the old age catching up _Mausebär_ " His mother was trying to save the situation at the very least. "Why aren't you using your wheelchair ?"  
"I have to make my legs work mama, it won't get better if I sit around, the doctor already told you. Don't worry, I look older than both you and dad with this cane." His brother was laughing and it _felt so good, like he was back twenty years_. His speech wasn't quite as it used to, voice slightly trembling, sometimes stuttering the words out. _How much damage had he suffered ? Did he just mention a cane, worse, a wheelchair still ?_  
"I'm not old, I'm only 35 ! Come on, let's take a sit." His mother's humour, were they trying to break him ?

Bandit turned back around, Jäger looked distraught, watching him carefully like Bandit could break any moment and _he wasn't wrong._ Jäger put his hands on Bandit's arm, stroking them gently in the hope to calm him down if only a little. They both jumped as the little mama came in, pale as a sheet and clearly taken aback by the situation. They watched her make a new pot of coffee, grabbing more cookies, taking out a new cup, a jar of cream since Cedrick preferred it as Dominic remembered. She opened the fridge, taking out a large cake covered in whipped cream and decorated with strawberries. She set it down not far from them along with candles. His mother out of the kitchen, Dominic inspected the cake more closely, reveling an heartbreaking message, ' _happy birthday Cedrick and Dominic'_.

He wanted to break down, _had she done this for eight years ?_ The chatter outside of the room came back.  
"Ah, mama, you've made cookies. Aren't those Dominic's favorite ?"  
"Yes, I saw the recipe in my cook book and couldn't help myself, it had been so long. Have a taste sweetheart." That woman was an angel sometimes. Bandit thought about leaving out the kitchen window, both of them had done that several times under _grimmer circumstances_ as teenagers. So long for their bags, he would never come back.

"Have you had any news from him ?" His brother asked.  
"No, you know how it is with your brother. Have you ?"  
"Nothing. Last time I saw a few ex-colleagues they told me he had joined the special forces but that's about it." There was a pause "I don't even know if he's still alive, have you seen the news ?"  
"I'm sure he's fine Cedrick, you know Dominic, he's tough." The tension of keeping the secret was palpable.  
"You're right. He's always been unlucky though. If he's injured we're going to be called the crippled brothers, our new band name !" He was laughing, Dominic clearly was not.

"Why are you running after him ? He abandoned you. He doesn't have the courage to make it right." Their father bit back.  
"Are we really going to have this conversation again ? On my- our birthday no less ?" Cedrick sounded like his cop self again.  
"Just face the truth son, he doesn't care."  
"Why don't _you_ try to face the truth _father_ ? You've always tried to bring us apart, I was your favorite and he was too much to handle for you. I know why, _he saw through your bullshit._ "

Dominic saw himself in his brother's anger. Marius was worried, Dominic on the verge to cracking under the pressure, turning into a sobbing mess, desperately trying to hold it together for the other one.  
"He was a troublemaker Cedrick, no wonder he went undercover ! It was right up his alley !" The tone of his father changed for the worse.  
"We did our shit together, why can't you ever see it ? I'm not an angel, _fuck_ I was worse !" Cedrick's stuttering became worse as well. "Why am I arguing with you ? You don't care, you never have. I'm glad he's out of your grip, thank God we reacted and thank you so much for _beating him up, father, we managed to escape because of that._ "  
"He got what he asked for."  
"Defending mama when you were screaming at her ? Sometimes I wonder why you never left, mom."  
"He's dangerous, look at what he's done to you !" Their father was screaming now.  
"Well at least you can't deny he's your son by your logic, he's as violent as you were then ! You were an amazing exemple for him, good job ! _You disgust me._ "

Dominic couldn't hold it anymore, he started crying as quietly as possible in front of Marius who was in clear shock. He couldn't stand hearing his brother like this, _again_ , after so long. The truth was out wether he liked it or not, no going back. He got pulled into strong arms, the embrace almost suffocating him. Kisses on his neck, slowly coming up until they reached his lips. Marius was whispering in between kisses, _'sorry', 'i'm so sorry', 'it's okay, I'm with you'._

The voices out of the kitchen were blurred out. Bandit had made his mind, he had _nothing_ to fear, his brother had just proved all of his worries and doubts wrong. He took his time, appreciating the kisses he was receiving, calming himself down as much as he could. He'd do anything for the man in front of him right now, _he felt grateful_. Bandit leaned in to kiss Jäger passionately, they both knew where their friendship was probably headed now. He reluctantly left the other's arms before turning to the cake, putting the candles one by one around the message written on top. He grabbed the nearby lighter and lit them up.

His heart was pounding in his chest as he left the room, the cake in his hands. The first thing he turned his attention to was his brother's back. The short, deep golden hair, the silhouette of a beard that would make _Andreas_ jealous. He was twitching somewhat, arms filled with tremors, one of his legs looked like it had a hard time moving compared to the other. He looked restless and his current anger didn't help.

The screaming match stopped as Dominic put the cake down on the table in front of his brother.

"Come on now Cedrick, let's not talk about this on your birthday."

Dominic didn't know if he should laugh or cry as his eyes fell on his brother's face. The pure confusion and hurt on the face that looked like his own, albeit slightly paralyzed it seemed. The loud ' _oh my god'_ that followed from his twin's mouth left him speechless.

"No way... No way..." His brother got up, straightening himself up with the help of the table. Trembling hands set themselves on Dominic's face, _was it the tremors or the emotions ?_ "You're back. You're here. _Fuck_."  
His brother was looking at him in disbelief, quickly turning into a crying mess in front of him. He got pulled into a tight hug, he hesitantly put his hands on Cedrick's back before finally giving back the embrace.

_Just like that, he felt whole again._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took me some time !  
> I hope you liked it, I had quite the writer's block for a while.  
> It hurts but it was for the best, let's see where this goes next.
> 
> Thank you for reading chapter six ! <3


	7. Nothing but you.

The heat was a silent enemy in the middle of summer, still, Cedrick dragged both Dominic and Marius out of the house in order to roam around the neighborhoods which had long started to change since their childhood. It was a nice change of atmosphere after having seen his brother cry for half an hour in his arms earlier.

Dominic couldn't help but walk slightly behind them, the gap growing as he got lost in his thoughts for a while before catching up, a habit he had a hard time letting go of. This meant he could watch the scene happening in front of his eyes in every little details, however. His brother was stubborn, that much hasn't changed, no matter how his legs ached to give out under his weight he kept going, smiling at Marius explaining something about his magpies Dominic had heard a hundred times before, _asking questions_ even so he tuned them out. He wouldn't dare say a thing though, preferring keeping an eye out for any signs of an upcoming fall rather than forcing his brother to sit down.

Marius seemed to be running out of energy despite the incredible speed at which his mouth operated, he'd get lost in his speech more than usual but would shrug it off and keep going. The way he rubbed his palm over his other hand was a clear indication he was at the end of his rope but tugging at it still, he recognized the signs now. Dominic wouldn't get angry if he suddenly 'decided' to shut down and retreat somewhere at the back of his head for an hour or two, hell he'd welcome it sometimes. Although he felt the need to sooth Marius he decided against it for now, the fiancé lie was funny but he wouldn't push his luck.

All in all the bubbling feeling of _joy_ he hadn't felt so strongly in quite some time, the two men interacting with each other in front of him brought, was a welcomed one.

"Oh, look, that's where you broke your arm once." Cedrick stopped, looking at an old linden tree.  
"Oh, you mean the time you pushed me off the branch ?"  
"You know it was an accident... Sort of." Cedrick smiled wide.  
"I always knew you were out to kill me you bastard." He pinched his brother.  
Jäger looked horrified as the joke flew above his head at first.

Ice cream sounded like a good idea so, in Brunsmeier fashion, the twins convinced the youngest of them to fetch the much needed frozen treats while they secured a bench near the shop. They were now looking at Jäger standing in the long line of customers, repeating the chosen flavors to himself.

"He's a nice guy, no wonder you're engaged"  
"We're not," Dominic answered "I lied to make him uncomfortable. We've kissed though." He continued over his brother's dumbfounded _'_ _what ?'_  
"You haven't changed _Häschen_. You're quieter, though..."  
"It's to make more room for you, _Sternchen_." Ah, such old surnames, he missed those.

"Say, Cedrick... Do you resent me ?"

His brother was now looking at him, grim. _Weren't they having a good time ?_ "I did at first, I can't lie to you. Not for what happened but because... You vanished. I needed you Dom."

_He was such a fucking piece of shit-_

"But I realized something. Had I been in your shoes, I wouldn't have been able to look at myself in the mirror ever again. So I forgave you, long ago."

"I'm not sure I can forgive myself." The words fell off his lips.

"Well then, just never leave again and make it right. I've missed you far too much Dominic."

"Me too."

Cedrick couldn't stop laughing when Marius came back, the only mistake of the order being Dom's ice cream. Eh, he liked strawberry too. But maybe, just maybe... The engineer did it out of retaliation, only Dom could tell.

\----

Exchanging phone numbers was heartbreaking, so was the tight hugs both his mother and brother gave Dom (and Marius too!). The three of them knew they wouldn't be able to see each other for a while, Cedrick even made Jäger promise to tell him if anything went wrong. Although Bandit could always keep in touch with his family, a stronger longing was slowly taking place in the mess of his feelings.

They had decided to walk off to the hotel, it wasn't too far from there and they could always grab dinner along the way. The sun was setting down drowning them in the orange hue, the sky grabbing Bandit's attention. Something else was tugging at Jäger's mind however, as they silently walked next to each other he couldn't help but notice the few couples holding hands around them. He couldn't recall if he ever did it and honestly ? It was a pretty good idea in his tired mind. The only problem was the lack of courage he faced right now. _Dominic wouldn't mind, would he ?_ They've kissed, holding hands was surely _nothing_ compared to that. Dom had started talking, something about the area but Marius clearly wasn't paying attention, his eyes were focused on the hand he wanted to reach out to, butterflies rising in his stomach. He could do it, there was no reason to be shy about it now, no shame to be had. He slowly raised his hand, bracing himself for the reaction the other man was about to have.  
Just as he was inches from grabbing his hand, Dominic raised it, pointing at whatever he was talking about, startling Marius without meaning to and there was no way he hadn't noticed.

"Are you okay ?"  
"Yeah, everything's fine !" Jäger hurried to answer.  
"Alright... We could grab something over there, they have pretty good sandwiches."

Bandit kept glancing at Jäger who was becoming increasingly fidgety sitting beside him on the low wall, it wasn't like fatigue, it looked more like he had something on his mind. Eye contact was out of the question and whatever he said, the engineer would only answer with a set of hums, knuckles rubbing against his lips. He leaned over, a hand finding its way on the other's back. Marius tensed up.  
"Are you still mad about the engagement thing ?"  
"Kind of. I expect you to clear things up." He was feigning anger and Bandit could hear it.  
"Alright, alright... But are you sure you don't want me happily ever after ?" He suddenly looked at him, flushed. "C'mon let's go, it's getting late." Bandit got up with a chuckle like it was one of his jokes, although he wished he could get an answer.

He had more than he bargained for when a calloused hand grabbed his in a tight grip. He turned around and was met with the ever so beautiful hazel eyes he had fallen for so long ago. Marius tried to withdraw his hold but Dominic wouldn't let go, meeting him with the same grasp the other had initiated.

They had a silent agreement that this was _right_ once they started walking again, Dominic's smile comforting Marius in the fact that it was normal and even made _them_ happy. The anxiety disappeared, he could do as he pleased, he could _love who he wanted and nobody would care_. There were no side glances, no comments, nothing coming close to anything he had experience as a troubled teen. _And Dom even made him feel safe._ The newfound darkness around them made them feel in their own little bubble, Bandit cracking jokes just to hear Jäger laugh and it worked like a charm, Jäger asking him how he felt and _of course_ he hadn't felt so good in a long while, someone near was also to blame.

At that moment, Marius was certain that they lifted each other up without even meaning to.

"See that lake ? They get out swan paddle boats every spring and summer. Wouldn't _that_ be romantic ?"  
Jäger leaned on his hands over the guardrail, looking at the body of water. "Hm, do you think we could do that tomorrow ? Before we leave ?"  
"Why not ?" He laughed.  
Marius felt the older operator closing in against his back, only bothered by the bag on his shoulder. He turned him around, gentler than what happened in the morning, a hand now planted on his face and bodies firmly pressed against one another. "Marius Streicher, _I'd do anything for you._ "

The kiss was soft, lips, teeth and tongue meeting with no resistance. It felt so different than before, like a new realization that this _could be a very real thing_ , no second guessing, no more longing for uncertain love. Hands got lost in short, curly hair while others landed on strong arms and back. Time slowed down tremendously, no care in the world for what was happening outside of this pure display of love they were lost into. Nothing could take it away from them.

The kiss broke leaving a panting Marius demanding more. His lips made their way to Dominic's ear for just a whisper :

"I think i'm in love with you."

Dominic's heart felt like it had skipped several beats.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's out. It's finally out !  
> I rewrote this so many times.
> 
> Thank you for reading <3


	8. Epilogue

"C'mon Dominic, get up, we're going to be late."

What time was it ? Bandit rubbed his eyes while letting out a loud yawn. He had no intention to leave the sheets, not after the night they had together. The blinds were slightly rolled up, sun rays bathing the room in a golden glow.  
"Five more minutes." He groaned.  
"You need to take a shower, we have to pick up your brother and his girlfriend in an hour, get up sleepyhead !" Marius got on the bed, jumping up and down on his knees in an attempt to force the older man up. All he was met with were strong arms pulling him down on his lover, locking him into a tight hug.

"I don't want to, let's cancel." Bandit buried his face in the crook of Jäger's neck, his cologne filling his nose.  
"Cancel our _wedding_ ? Really ?" The laugh that ensued was as great as ever, Bandit loved it.  
"Just say that I'm sick and call it a day _Schnuki_." He left kisses on Jäger's neck.  
"Not happening Dominic, I love you too much."

"I love you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fanfic was an amazing experience and adventure. I'd like to thank everyone who commented, left kudos or just took time out of their day to give it a try.
> 
> You're all amazing and I hope to see you in the next ones !
> 
> <3

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading chapter one !


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